always find something wrong

Baby I got a plan.

Runaway as fast as you can.

oooohh!

bahaha!

you're a simplified equation

y'know, math is kinda fun once you get it.

awesome sauce

Good Feeling:

putting Q-Tips in your ears after a shower

I feel like taking off

Fuck I LOVE days when you feel like being efficient.

taxi driver

I took cutie for a ride in my death cab

FCKN CREW

GET UP TO THE FLOOR

AND GET YOUR FACE MELTED

FACE MELTED

never gonna let you down

you know those days

where it feels like the whole world is against you sometimes.

but it's really not that bad.

pause. rewind.

I added some songs to my blog.

some of my favorites... I hope you guys like them :)

raw raw

hokay, good week off.

time to get back on the train.

quiet time

lego pieces

well that's 6 nights in a row now.

make it 7? ... maybe.

it helps me sleep at night.

my mind is calm and doesn't think about anything.

I just sit on the couch and watch cartoons.

not knowing what is going on.

lovers who uncover...

We can pull a map out detailing the direct route

Young ones grow anxious to proclaim their advances to the fray

If we don't wake up and the truth never comes up

You will never have our old lane, you will never have a right of way

lovers who uncover

where do all the lovers meet with one another?

In an effort to uncover what has happened in the silent days?

Despite ones on the corner, dream of something warmer

A semblance of our old ways, what has happened to our handmade days?

surfacing

Hey Friends,

I mentioned my water fast for 10 days...

it lasted 2.5 days.

but that's okay cause I went back to fresh raw juice

so fruit and vegetable juice + water

I'm doing just fine :)

I love you all to the moon and back

uncover

just got to get lost making art

and pass the time away.

horoscope 10/25/10

"Going with the flow may not necessarily appeal to you today, Pisces. This is one time when you may want to be the fish swimming upstream while the school heads downstream. Feel free to go your own way regardless of what others have to say about it. You may get pressured by your loved ones to act a certain way or go somewhere special. Don't do these things just to please them. Do what pleases you."

hmm, crazy because I am going to try a 10 day water fast starting TODAY!

I am a little nervous, but I got to face that fear of being nervous, right.

so here it goes.

cleaning out my body.

cleaning out my mind.

cleaning out my psyche.

thoughts keeping us awake

you can't just talk the talk

you got to walk the walk.

parabolas

hokay so...

I need to upgrade my math.

(thumbs up to online summer school! fuck yeah!)

now to remember how to use the graphing calculator...

this is what I've been doing for the last hour...

(.)(.)

(º.º)

(º)_(-)

^-^

º-^

8==D

making boobs and then writing boobies on the calculator (5319009 upside down)

-EDIT-

so another hour just went by and I still couldn't figure my damn calculator.

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE A SCIENTIFIC CALCULATOR NOT A GRAPHING CALCULATOR!

dumbass.

sandwiches are beautiful, sandwiches are fine

DARIA

I FORGOT ABOUT THIS FUCKING SHOW!

I USED TO LOVE IT!

Hustle Rose

If you're looking for something life-like
Hit a sardine nightclub
If every surface you touch is cold
Never go home
He says, "I can't feel a thing, my dreams are so tight
Why wouldn't I stand in line tonight?"

aaaaah!

I don't know what the fuck I am doing!

I am all signed up for University.

But I really don't know what I am doing!!!!

People keep asking what am I going to do with me my degree...

I don't fucking know!

fuck fuck fuck!

and I am registered for courses I didn't sign up for.

and all this "do it yourself and sign up on online" crap is confusing.

sleepyhead

like stars burning holes right through the dark

flicking fire like saltwater to my eyes

you were one inch from the edge of this bed

I dragged you back a sleepyhead

sleepyhead

but it's not what keeps us together

awwe I am going to miss you!

my favourite, have a blast!

and bring me home a baby.

see you at the end of summer.

desert eyes from you

We can't

I still can

Stop now

Remember what you did.
Your eyes filled

We've got

Discomfort

To slow down

Bare foot in a public washroom.

Spill on me your nostalgia
And cataracts...
That fell
Behind self-conscious eyes.

Warm water made

Please just give me back my heart

This hurt so good

Well it's been too long

Through ivory rain

And I will burn no more

And cutthroat soap box derby racers

Oh god. Hurt so fucking good.

Little girls pointing and laughing.

Pointing and laughing.

Pointing and laughing.

I want you to ruin me.

Please just give me back my heart

Ruin me.

Well it's been too long

I. Want. You. To... ruin me.

And I will burn no more

Tired of all these lies

I. Want you. To ruin me.

And elsewhere eyes of yours

Ruin me.

So I will scream

I want you to...

And dream of what's to come

Ruin me.

"Little Girls Pointing and Laughing"

by Alexisonfire

barefoot in a public washroom

I just need a friend right now.

but this house is cold and empty.

so I'll crawl into bed.

and stay awhile.

I started a fire

"Hey Mr. Fire, where do you go when you're lonely?"

#268

horoscope 10/06/10

"You might find yourself a bit unfocused and confused about which way to go, Pisces. The baffled look on your face isn't helping anyone else figure out how to help you. Don't feel obliged to remain in an unhealthy situation. It may be time to let go and break some ties to things that no longer work for you. Feel good about extricating yourself from old habits that no longer serve you"

...

holy crap.

I NEVER KNOW

yesss

i loves bb's!

my heart just melted.

...

silly of you to actually think there is something more.

to think that there is potential.

you'd think you'd know this by now.

it's happened so many times.

you just got sober

sleep

mom is trying to help you with this.

and you just rebel.

you have to help you help yourself get out of this.

stop closing your heart.

open it, let the energy flow through.

know when you're most vulnerable and be prepared.

sad parade

i'm not mentally prepared.

then when will you be mentally prepared?

you're the only one who can get myself out of this.

don't be a baby anymore.

but it's so much easier that way.

ofcourse it's easier that way!

you give up too easily.

and now you just sit here crying, typing on this damn blog.

looking for answers that aren't there.

you're too obsessive!

you're too hard on yourself!

i can't find my happiness.

i can't find my happy-medium.

because you haven't even tried!

you let that little voice take over.

it's much deeper than that little voice.

it's this insecurity i can't let go of.

it's all i think about

it's taken over me

but it's not who I am.

and I don't know what to do.

you do know what to do.

you always know.

it's whether you take the chance and do it or not.

such a lost soul.

hey now

you know what?

I'm going to join track and field.

I fucking love track and field!

I used to be able to run so fast.

I JUST WANT TO RUN!

yeap, that's it.

get back into running.

that's what I need.

I am person who likes consistency and routine.

and everything is just a mess and all over the place.

it's driving me insane!

my mind is just... so... discombobulated. and lost. and frazzled.

and I can't figure anything out!

blaaahhh!

but I am suppose to go through this.

I am 20 for fuck sakes.

I was an idiot teenager not to long ago.

then BAM an adult now.

start making smart life decisions? hell no.

when I look at you

read more books

and somedays.

I don't live up to my expectations.

I've let myself down.

no one else.

"then do something about it you fuck!"

this hurts my feet.

sex on a rooftop underneath the stars.

the street below us filled with people.

"you're my favourite too!"

bahahaha. lastnight. oh man.

fucking awsome night.

super hammered with good people.

finnaalllyyy a group of girls I LIKE!

there's no crap.

no drama.

no cattiness.

no bitchiness.

no one gives a shit.

we just say fuck it! and pull our pants down in the bar.

horoscope 19/06/10

my horoscope for todaayy...

"Contemplation is the word for today. At some point, you might receive a call from a friend wanting advice on a serious decision. Don't be surprised if you spend more time listening than advising, Pisces. Goals of your own might need some thought and possibly reevaluation, as changes in your immediate environment could present new and exciting possibilities to you. Think about it."

crazy because I really do need to to do some rethinking. think about my approach. my attitude. my motivation. my inspiration. how far and long I want to go. the baby steps. the big steps.

buuttt... I want to eat raw food.

that's what I want to do.

then do it.

stop making excuses.

stop "waiting" for the perfect time.

NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME!

juice. green juice.

get your information.

get the knowledge.

and keep reading the book "The Untethered Soul"

do what you want.

sweet disposition

ps. new favourite movie: (500) days of Summer

The Untethered Soul

hey friends, so this book I was telling you to read. It is very... I don't know, I can't explain it. I feel so different. Like... I see things differently, yet I've always seen the same things, but now they're different.

here's a bit of the book...

What would it be like if your awareness didn't exist? It's actually pretty simple- you wouldn't be there. There would be no sense of "me." There wouldn't be anyone in there to say, "Wow, I used to be in here but now I'm now." There would no longer be an awareness of being. And without awareness of being, or consciousness of being. And there objects? Who knows? If no one is aware of the objects, their existence or nonexistence becomes completely irrelevant. It doesn't matter how many things are in front of you; if you turn off the consciousness, there is nothing. If you were conscious, however, there can be nothing in front of you but you are fully aware that there is nothing. It's really not that complicated, and it's very enlightening.

So now I ask you, "Who are you?" you answer

"I am the one who sees. From back in here somewhere, I look out, and I am aware of the events, the thoughts and emotions that pass before me."

If you go very deep, that is where you live. You live in the seat of consciousness. A true spiritual being lives there, without effort and without intent. Just as you effortlessly look outside and see all that you see, you will eventually sit far enough back inside to see all you thoughts and emotions, as well as outer form. All of these objects are in front of you. The thoughts are closer in, the emotions are a little further away, and form is way out there. Behind it all, there you are. You go so deep that you realize that's where you've always been. At each stage of your life you have seen different thoughts, emotions, and objects pass before you. But you have always been the conscious receiver of all that was.

blow your miinndd

READ THIS BOOK!!!

The Untethered Soul

By Michael A Singer

fucking awsome

I'm having an allergic reaction right now.

to what?

I don't know!

hellooo benadryl.

so, to find out what I am allergic to, I gotta cut out:

• dairy
• wheat/gluten
• nuts and seeds
• seafood
• berries

which leaves fruits, vegetables and chicken.

well no. just fruits and vegetables cause I am working on being a vegetarian.

and working on being a raw foodist (haven't really been living up to it lately though haha)

FRESH START! time to get back into raw food.

this monday I was going to do a nice 5 day detox. fresh fruit and vegetable juice.

(kiinnddaa been partying lots. my system needs thorough a cleaning.)

fuel up with diesel