...

silly of you to actually think there is something more.

to think that there is potential.

you'd think you'd know this by now.

it's happened so many times.

you just got sober

sleep

mom is trying to help you with this.

and you just rebel.

you have to help you help yourself get out of this.

stop closing your heart.

open it, let the energy flow through.

know when you're most vulnerable and be prepared.

sad parade

i'm not mentally prepared.

then when will you be mentally prepared?

you're the only one who can get myself out of this.

don't be a baby anymore.

but it's so much easier that way.

ofcourse it's easier that way!

you give up too easily.

and now you just sit here crying, typing on this damn blog.

looking for answers that aren't there.

you're too obsessive!

you're too hard on yourself!

i can't find my happiness.

i can't find my happy-medium.

because you haven't even tried!

you let that little voice take over.

it's much deeper than that little voice.

it's this insecurity i can't let go of.

it's all i think about

it's taken over me

but it's not who I am.

and I don't know what to do.

you do know what to do.

you always know.

it's whether you take the chance and do it or not.

such a lost soul.

hey now

you know what?

I'm going to join track and field.

I fucking love track and field!

I used to be able to run so fast.

I JUST WANT TO RUN!

yeap, that's it.

get back into running.

that's what I need.

I am person who likes consistency and routine.

and everything is just a mess and all over the place.

it's driving me insane!

my mind is just... so... discombobulated. and lost. and frazzled.

and I can't figure anything out!

blaaahhh!

but I am suppose to go through this.

I am 20 for fuck sakes.

I was an idiot teenager not to long ago.

then BAM an adult now.

start making smart life decisions? hell no.

when I look at you

read more books

and somedays.

I don't live up to my expectations.

I've let myself down.

no one else.

"then do something about it you fuck!"

this hurts my feet.

sex on a rooftop underneath the stars.

the street below us filled with people.

"you're my favourite too!"

bahahaha. lastnight. oh man.

fucking awsome night.

super hammered with good people.

finnaalllyyy a group of girls I LIKE!

there's no crap.

no drama.

no cattiness.

no bitchiness.

no one gives a shit.

we just say fuck it! and pull our pants down in the bar.

horoscope 19/06/10

my horoscope for todaayy...

"Contemplation is the word for today. At some point, you might receive a call from a friend wanting advice on a serious decision. Don't be surprised if you spend more time listening than advising, Pisces. Goals of your own might need some thought and possibly reevaluation, as changes in your immediate environment could present new and exciting possibilities to you. Think about it."

crazy because I really do need to to do some rethinking. think about my approach. my attitude. my motivation. my inspiration. how far and long I want to go. the baby steps. the big steps.

buuttt... I want to eat raw food.

that's what I want to do.

then do it.

stop making excuses.

stop "waiting" for the perfect time.

NOW IS THE PERFECT TIME!

juice. green juice.

get your information.

get the knowledge.

and keep reading the book "The Untethered Soul"

do what you want.

sweet disposition

ps. new favourite movie: (500) days of Summer

The Untethered Soul

hey friends, so this book I was telling you to read. It is very... I don't know, I can't explain it. I feel so different. Like... I see things differently, yet I've always seen the same things, but now they're different.

here's a bit of the book...

What would it be like if your awareness didn't exist? It's actually pretty simple- you wouldn't be there. There would be no sense of "me." There wouldn't be anyone in there to say, "Wow, I used to be in here but now I'm now." There would no longer be an awareness of being. And without awareness of being, or consciousness of being. And there objects? Who knows? If no one is aware of the objects, their existence or nonexistence becomes completely irrelevant. It doesn't matter how many things are in front of you; if you turn off the consciousness, there is nothing. If you were conscious, however, there can be nothing in front of you but you are fully aware that there is nothing. It's really not that complicated, and it's very enlightening.

So now I ask you, "Who are you?" you answer

"I am the one who sees. From back in here somewhere, I look out, and I am aware of the events, the thoughts and emotions that pass before me."

If you go very deep, that is where you live. You live in the seat of consciousness. A true spiritual being lives there, without effort and without intent. Just as you effortlessly look outside and see all that you see, you will eventually sit far enough back inside to see all you thoughts and emotions, as well as outer form. All of these objects are in front of you. The thoughts are closer in, the emotions are a little further away, and form is way out there. Behind it all, there you are. You go so deep that you realize that's where you've always been. At each stage of your life you have seen different thoughts, emotions, and objects pass before you. But you have always been the conscious receiver of all that was.

blow your miinndd

READ THIS BOOK!!!

The Untethered Soul

By Michael A Singer

fucking awsome

I'm having an allergic reaction right now.

to what?

I don't know!

hellooo benadryl.

so, to find out what I am allergic to, I gotta cut out:

• dairy
• wheat/gluten
• nuts and seeds
• seafood
• berries

which leaves fruits, vegetables and chicken.

well no. just fruits and vegetables cause I am working on being a vegetarian.

and working on being a raw foodist (haven't really been living up to it lately though haha)

FRESH START! time to get back into raw food.

this monday I was going to do a nice 5 day detox. fresh fruit and vegetable juice.

(kiinnddaa been partying lots. my system needs thorough a cleaning.)

fuel up with diesel

jaguar looovveee

I was in the back of my car ^{sleeping in the sunshine}

sleeping in the sunshine

polaroids and drinking red wine

fuck the whaat?!

okay, this kinda took me a second to figure this out...

WEIRD HUH?!

Disney characters as Sailor Moon characters.

I see:

• Pocahontas
• that girl from the samurai movie (I can't remember the name hahaha)
• Bell from Beauty in the Beast
• Sleeping Beauty
• Snow White?
• Arial/The Little Mermaid
• Jasmine from Aladin

who are the two girls in the top right?!

skeleton jar

I feel like hell

you feel like dancing

all the time

realization

okay Kels,

time to cut the crap. what do you want in life? what do you want in your life right now? I want love. okay sweet, make it happen. I'm trying! yes I see that and I understand you're having a difficult time with it. and that's okay. just remember to stay true to yourself. be 100% responsible for yourself. it's your choice. you always have a choice, no matter what. and what do you choose? I choose LIFE! I want to live. I want life flowing through my veins. then make it happen! stop sitting there making excuses and JUST DO IT! take a chance. you never know what can happen until YOU DO IT! be clean, eat clean, live clean. feed yourself energy. go out into the beautiful sunshine. because that is my choice.

the world is mine.

and I'm not letting it go.

twilight galaxy

did I ask you for attention?

when affection is what I need.

I can feel you most when I'm alone

When I'm bored

I send vibrations

In your direction

From the satellite mind

first date

hey guys... guess what?

i'm going on a date tomorrow night!

oooh ftw?!

kelsey?! on a date?!

fuck yeah man, it's crazy.

undercover martyn

and she spoke words that would melt in your hands.